325; Slow down girl, you're not going anywhere.

3-5 December: CODERED2011 Camp! ^^
7 December: OOVOO GANG! with Melissa, Mark and Claudi.

8 December: Met Fion, Jacelyn, Mark, Mingxuan, Hernshung and a few others at Nex
9 December: Sending TMC Mission Trippers off to Cambodia and went Lan with Nicholas, Jeremiah, Blossom, Lionel, Daryl~

15 December: Pon CCA and lepaked at Esheen's house with Ruying and Vivien

16 December: Xmas-terchef at TMC

21 December: Went TMC and learnt how to break from the BBOYS

25 December: Cousin's wedding

26 December: Christmas Service at TMC

27 December: Zoo with Gladys, Gracia, Karin, Vanessa and Valerie

28 December: Sentosa with TMC and went on LOGOS HOPE ship

31 December: Sleepover at Denise's house with Rachel, Renee, Ice, Gregory

Indeed, it was a very fruitful Dezaynber spent, 2012 ended off really well. (:

324; Through you my heart screams, I AM FREE.

I have never been to such an Awesome Youth Camp. Everything that happened in CODERED2011 seemed so surreal. Back to reality, i still can't believe that 4 days flew past just like that. The games were really enjoyable and i learnt so much.

COWMMANDOS! consists of the best members you will ever ask for: Russ, Walter, Jinli, Caijie, Claudi, Ryan, Blossom, Jillian, Issac, Lionel, Joshua, Calida, Samuel, Beverly. Initially, i thought that my group was so quiet and no one bothers to give their comments. Then slowly i realised that everyone actually plays a very important role as a group member, giving and contributing in their small, different ways. In fact, i was really grateful to be in this group and this has even won us the second position in this camp. (:

Pastor Reuben Ng was the speaker for 3 nights and he made everything just so engaging. "If you name yourself a Christian by saying that you go to church, its just like walking into Macdonalds and calling yourself Cheeseburger." I think it literally became the quote of the day.

The presence of God is REAL, and I experienced it. The last night was almost perfect. I never thought i'd ever feel his presence but i did. His love was overwhelming. I've always believed that the only way to feel God's love is when one experiences a spirit going into you, but i was wrong. I met God kneeling down with endless crying, laughing and the thirst to only want to receive more of his love and joy. I can only say that our God is amazing; yesterday, today and forever. :')

Staying up all night, gathering to write encouragement cards for one another, snacking, lepak, and going "bass snap clap, babass snap clap snap", "THIS IS THE NEHNEH GAME!", "Give me rhythm ready go!". All the brain teasers couldn't have made me much more retarded now. But i found them really amusing.

Sitting outside the toilet practically everyday for half an hour to play games, suddenly shouting "Go back jump, Go back jump!" during meals, screaming our lungs out to get a pitch clear cheer during Hardcore Military trainings, randomly singing songs while at Amazing Race. Now i honestly can't wait for another church camp by TMC.

Special mention to Ryan Foo who has invited me to this camp and i really did not regret going for it at all. All the new found friendships that i'll remember for life. But God is the one whom i have to thank and give praises for. To God Be The Glory.

323;

5 November: Peerlite Camp with Shona, Rachel, Sze Han, Dionne, Sze Jia, Clara, Melissa.
14 November: Greyson Chance take-a-photo session with Zann and Valerie.

22 November: Cambodia K5 reunion with Radiant, Vanessa, Jewel, Claudia, Hannah, EnEn, Daphne and Tabigail

13 November: Prom! with LiAnn, Hannah, JiaEenn, Crystal, Melissa and Jamie

322; This time, last year, everything was so different.

LI ANN and PRIYA, two of my closest friends since Secondary 1. You guys changed so much. It's like i can hardly even understand you anymore. It's just so unfathomable and I don't like this feeling. Did you even treat this friendship as a friendship or like what they say, fair weather friends? I thought we were going to be close friends till and forever, but i guess not anymore.

I can understand that you have moved on to another class and have made new friends, but how isit possible that Freda, Valerie, Enen, Serene, Jieqi, Eunice, Iris, Juliet, Kamini, Meryl, Natalie and the few others can still relate back to us after this one whole year of not being in the same class, but you two couldn't?

Priya, a week ago you asked me why isit that we don't talk anymore? Why not ask yourself, maybe you have changed. Honestly, Crystal, Vanessa and I think so too.

321;

24 October: Volleyball Interclass Games

28 October: Sentosa! with Karin, Vanessa, Gladys and Gracia

320; Nobody said it was easy

My End of years results were totally unacceptable. I know, my results practically shows how lousy i am. I DID study. In fact, i've never studied so hard before, except for PSLE. I really hope i can pass the Promotion test and not retain. It's not part of my plan at all.

I don't know how to approach my mother either.

I just deactivated my Facebook account and i promise i wont tweet until I really know what i want for my future.

I could really use a hug right now.


I'm such a disappointment. always.

All these masks we wore, we never knew what we had in store.

I feel like i don't know us anymore. It started off with the 4 of us and whoever that joins us couldn't last for more than 2 days. I'm fine with Gladys, but i totally cannot tolerate Dawn okay?!

Honestly, i've always thought of leaving this clique and just be by myself. Afterall, i have already found another group that would accept me. But i know i will miss you guys so much if i had to leave. We've gone through so much together, and sometimes i couldn't bring myself to tell this to you.

Hate is a strong word, and i shall therefore go: I DETEST DAWN JOINING US.

I have no issues with any of us but Crystal;
I feel like i'm being replaced. Or maybe I already am. I don't like the way you react to me. I feel like i'm totally neglected. Maybe i'm the one that's thinking too much. But i really don't like this feeling. You make me feel like i have no one i can place my trust in anymore.

This is why i hardly even blog anymore. The more i think of it, the more i feel depressed. And i cried typing this.

Day 18 - A scene that makes you laugh.

ONE OF THE MOST FAIL + EPIC SCENES EVER. >;D
I've been going to Crystal's church(AMK CMC) recently. It started off with rejecting Crystal's invites to her church for events and i happen to be free when she asked me one fine day. So i went for another event; Joyful Feet. Went there with Peisi and danced 3 very amusing and exhilarating dances. I liked the people there, they were equally friendly and well, less serious than the ones from my previous church. Furthermore, AMKCMC is much nearer to my house compared to COGS, which is located at Queenstown.

Day 17 - A Person You Wish You Could Talk To

"Sometimes you just feel like talking and catching up with this friend of urs but u realised that there is just nothing to talk about between th two of you so u dropped that idea to avoid awkwardness. And so, this friendship slowly fades..."

Damn, its true. I really miss how we used to be.

Day 16 - The Person You Miss The Most

When i get upset, i shut down. I feel like i should be crying or screaming or something but i cant breathe because im turned off. I go silent and dont talk very much. I just sit there, and think.

As i walked past you today, idk what i should do, how to react. The 5 mins beside you felt like, crossing the road beside a total stranger. When i saw how the both of you interacted, i was literally dying on the inside. It just doesn't feel the same anymore.

Day 15 - Someone That Pesters Your Mind — Good Or Bad

I really can't picture anyone having a crush on me. I can’t picture someone thinking about me before they fall asleep, or telling their friends about me. I can’t picture anyone getting butterflies because I said hi to them, or even just smiled at them. I can’t picture someone smiling at the computer screen or their cell phones when we’re talking.

I mean like…Why would they even do that? I’m just me. Nothing extraordinary, or special.

Day 14 - Your Day

Track camp was indeed very very very fun. Attended Sec 4 farewell for 3 years. 3 freaking years, and can't believe it's the last next year. :/ I'll definitely miss our ZIBI moments. (:

May the footprints that we leave, lead them to believe.

FAITHFUL IN SERVICE 2011, OCIP (BARAY)

During this trip to Cambodia, it has been a fruitful as well as an eye opener for me. Despite the mosquito nets we had to sleep in for 4 nights and the many disgusting insects we encountered, it has encouraged me to appreciate Singapore's government more. However, i would love to lend my helping hand to the Cambodians again someday as they are very willing to communicate with us and the night interaction was a very enriching moment for us. Those 7 days spent with LiAnn, Crystal, Valerie, Vanessa, Gladys, Jolene and Meryl were AWESOME. If we were a clique, i bet we would be the BEST clique that anyone would wish to join. Also, i've made tons of friends from my cohort. Everyone's like so bonded during this trip and even the teachers felt so. I am proud to be the pioneer of this trip. I miss Khmer Home Stay, Pony Cart Ride, Ox Cart Ride, practically everything we saw and did in Cambodia! >:'D

BTW, it's Mr Lee (AH GONG!)'s Birthday today!!!

Day 13 - The Person You Hate Most/Caused You A Lot Of Pain

You know that feeling when you feel so damn hopeless and lonely. You cry silently in your room and keep listening to the same song that reminds you of everything. You have this sinking feeling and it feels like you couldn't breathe. Your chest felt so tight. You end up crying yourself to sleep and tomorrow, when you walk to school, nobody knew what happened last night.

I felt awfully alone today, more so than usual. I can't quite explain it. All i know is that nobody seems to understand the way i think, and the way i do. It's not anyone's fault, it's probably mine. That's just how it's always been.

Too much pain,

Too much sacrifices,

Efforts unappreciated

Im tired.

Im sick and tired of everything.

Day 12 - Someone You've Drifted Away From

We used to believe in many things, like forevers and our dreams. We used to even chat all night about our futures. But i guess, not anymore. In fact, the reason why I don't talk to you anymore is because I keep telling myself that if you wanted to speak to me, you would. I'm not upset because our friendship is dying, but because you're not doing anything to save it. Too much to take, too hard to break.

I still don’t know how to act, don’t know what to say, still wear the scars like it was yesterday. Lost in a whole new facade, wondering if i’m the real person in school or at home. Seeing you pick your life up and moving on, looking as if you’re all good. I feel i’m glad you’re doing well and not too stressed, but then again, it’s because of this that i stopped telling you my woes. These days school can really kill, it can somehow take me into a whole new stigma of enigma and a whole new dimension, not contrary to a paradox.

I stopped talking, asking if school’s good and all because you don’t need me anymore. And me, I just dont want to need someone who doesn’t need me, but it’s something i struggle with everyday. After a long tiring day where you just need somewhere, someone to crash everything on, just to know you’re not going through the day alone. I guess I lost you, I lost my chance with you and it’s gonna be worse. The empty spaces between us will only expatiate.

But a promise is a promise and I’ll be there no matter how far you go. And when you need a place to crash, you know you’ve got me. Icy cold? Thats exactly what i’ve been feeling these few weeks from you: barely even talking, short attention spans, laziness to reply texts. I’m just too tired and caught up with the mess in my mind. Never thought i’d say this but, I.GIVE.UP.

Day 11 - Someone You Don't Talk To As Much As You'd Like To

When you asked if you were an extra, of course i couldn't bring myself to say a yes. That smirk you gave me today, i swear i shouldnt be too nice to people at times. Fret not, I can promise that you'll leave us soon. Really soon.

Sometimes, when people are sad, nothing can really bring them back up right away. Simple words, good advice, or even the people around them trying to make them happy can't make them happy just like that. We should never tell someone to just be happy and forget about what's holding them down, because we're not dealing with the pain in their heart. It takes time and patience for someone to get back up. It's not that easy.

Day 10 - Someone You Wish You Could Meet

Well, im not asking for much. Just to see either of the siblings. Yes, they're Alex and Emma Watson respectively. They're way too perfect.

Math paper is so bloody difficult. I was confident of at least getting a B3, but after staring at the paper for 45mins, I'd thought it was simply impossible. I haven't been able to complete my SS, Geography and Math paper, i'm such a disappointment.

The school's nice enough to treat the entire body with Macs, Lee Wee Brothers rice, Ramly Burgers and Pelican Pizzas today. Almost the entire Secondary Schools had early dismissal because they have to set up for the Polling Stations tomorrow. Waited for 20mins just to get a bus to Nex, cause apparently everyone's released at the same time. Watched THOR with Grace, Vanessa and Crystal. The plot is highly recommended. I mean, you should just take a look at the lead actor, LIKE HAWT ONLY PLEASE. -------- Chris Hemsworth

Day 9 - Your Favourite Internet Friend

I miss how my friends and I would just spend our entire Primary school lives playing Habbo, Audition, Club Penguin etc. Nowadays, we don't play internet games to meet new people. They would stalk your profile and suddenly talk to you like they've know you since childhood.

The vaccination is finally over. I'm one step closer to OCIP now. Imagine all the lame and crazy things we would do, im so excited! (: The lessons plan are sooooooo boring, im just looking forward to the sleeping time in Cambodia. And Grace Lim Zining is Officially my girlfriend. :D

I want someone who I can tell all my secrets to. I want someone who won’t judge me for the mistakes I’ve made and the mistakes I continue to make. I want someone who will understand me. I want someone to hear me out, not just listen. I want someone who says good night to me and prays to God that they’ll get the chance to say good morning. I want someone who will accept me for who I am, despite all my flaws. I want someone who will wipe my tears away and make me smile when I’m down. I just want someone who loves me.

Day 8 - Your Ex

Oh well, I can proudly introduce my 2 exs. STACY SOH and PRIYA PATHETIC PANTY PORNSTAR PAN. :D

Fuck. I swear all the teachers are totally against me. I have simply, NO PRIVACY. My class will be watched from everywhere and anywhere. Seriously, don't you all have better things to do?

I realised i've been going to Nex practically everyday, for no particular reason, Especially with Grace Limmmmmmmmmmm. Vanessa thinks it's weird though. But it seems like there's no one else to hang out with me after school. I ALWAYS GET BULLIED BY *uh hmm* I SWEAR. Somehow, i just like the library in Nex. Memories. :D